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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932204">if there was no you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theclingyduo/pseuds/theclingyduo'>theclingyduo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(dream and punz are really just mentioned), Dream SMP Finale Spoilers, Family, Gen, i love them, they're fambly your honor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 14:06:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,638</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28932204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theclingyduo/pseuds/theclingyduo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"What am I-" Tommy bursts in, voice shaking more than Tubbo's ever heard it. "What am I without you, Tubbo?"</p>
<p>"Yourself," Tubbo says softly, giving his best friend a soft smile while bringing his other hand up and resting it on Tommy's shoulder.</p>
<p>Tommy's face just <em>crumples</em>, and Tubbo wishes the last time he gets to see his best friend while still alive would be when he's happy, instead of the about-to-cry Tommy he sees now.</p>
<p>(But, still, he's glad that, in his final moments, he gets to be with his best friend.)</p>
<p>(Tommy and Tubbo, until the end.)</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>(Or: Two traumatized children deal with Tubbo almost having to die during the finale.</p>
<p><strike>Seriously, please get these kids some help</strike>)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>243</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if there was no you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Tommy told Tubbo, voice shaking, hands fisted and trembling, that they were to meet Dream in a few days and fight him for the discs, Tubbo knew that there was a chance that they would die that day.</p>
<p>A...pretty high chance, at that.</p>
<p>Tubbo tried to be optimistic, grinding for supplies and finding all the resources that they could possibly need for the fight against Dream and saying that after the fight, they'd do this, and after, they'd do that, and so on.</p>
<p>Even though he knew (he <em>knew</em>) that they were nowhere near guaranteed to reach <em>after</em>, Tubbo had to keep saying this.</p>
<p>He had to stay hopeful.</p>
<p>Even though he knew that soon, he and his best friend could be dead.</p>
<p>And, even after they said their goodbyes, the entire server coming out to greet them and making Tubbo feel all sorts of emotions; even after Tommy forced Tubbo to consider that this could be the end, they still...</p>
<p>They still laughed. They ribbed each other. They got lost; Tommy's mic broke. They had fun.</p>
<p>They were still Tubbo and Tommy, and Tubbo knew that they always would be, until the very end.</p>
<p>But, after they found Dream, after they hit the high of thinking they had the disk and that they beat him, after they thought they <em>won</em>-</p>
<p>Dream reminded them that he had control, and he always had control.</p>
<p>And Tubbo's carefully built walls, keeping crushing fear and overwhelming despair from crashing over him, started to crumble.</p>
<p>Before Tubbo knew it, Dream had threatened Tubbo; had <em>used</em> him to threaten <em>Tommy</em>, to demand the disc back, and-</p>
<p>And Tommy listened.</p>
<p>Without hesitating at all, Dream's countdown ringing in their ears, Tommy dashed over to the Ender Chest and dropped the disc in.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Those discs were worth more than you ever were!"</em>
</p>
<p>Tubbo...Tubbo knew, he <em>did</em>, that his best friend didn't mean what he said, but...</p>
<p>It still brought tears to Tubbo's eyes and a tightness to this throat that his faith wasn't ill-placed, after all.</p>
<p>(Tommy was Tubbo's best friend.</p>
<p>Tubbo should've known better than to doubt him.)</p>
<p>Even with the warmth, the gratitude still coursing through him, though, hearing Dream tell them, in his simple, same-as-always tone, to throw their supplies in the hole; knowing that all their hard work was <em>gone</em> with one single piece of TNT; feeling Tommy <em>trembling</em> and <em>shaking</em> beside him as he did what Dream said, well-</p>
<p>It hurt.</p>
<p>More than Tubbo could've ever imagined.</p>
<p>(Tubbo doesn't think he's ever heard Tommy as <em>panicked</em> as he was when Dream ordered him to throw his inventory into the hole.</p>
<p>As he was when Dream threatened Tubbo, again and again and again.)</p>
<p>(Tubbo hated hated <em>hated</em> that he was being used against his best friend in this way.</p>
<p>He hated that Dream was taking Tommy and Tubbo, two halves of one whole, and ripping them apart.)</p>
<p>Dream took them to...well, Tubbo's not quite sure where, but he could take a guess, when the floor dropped from beneath them and they were slowly lowered into the biggest, most intimidating structure he's seen, that, well-</p>
<p>They weren't getting out of this free.</p>
<p>And, so, now, when Dream finally tells them that Tubbo's going to die, that there's no way Dream will allow him to survive, Tubbo isn't surprised. Afraid, a little. Devastated, quite a bit. Hurt, more by Tommy's hitched breaths than by the fact that he'll be dead in a few minutes.</p>
<p>But not surprised.</p>
<p>Tommy is, though. And it <em>hurts</em>, hearing Tommy's denials slowly getting more and more panicked; feeling the way Tommy grips his arm and shoves Tubbo behind him in a final attempt to protect him. It <em>hurts</em>, knowing that Tubbo's causing his best friend this much <em>pain</em>.</p>
<p>It <em>hurts</em>.</p>
<p>It's all Tubbo can do to keep his voice level as he lays out to Tommy that no, there is no way out. No, they can't escape through the portal. No, they can't dig their way out.</p>
<p>No, Tubbo isn't going to get out of this alive.</p>
<p>As Tubbo talks more, Tommy's face slowly twists from panicked denial to devastated realization, and Tubbo doesn't think he's ever hated a look on his best friend's face more than the teary-eyed (Tommy doesn't cry, he <em>doesn't cry</em>, and yet he is <em>now</em>-) rejection painted all over it.</p>
<p>Tubbo reaches out, brings a slightly shaking hand to Tommy's hair and ruffles it like he's done hundreds of times before ("<em>Tubbo, you fucker, you're only four months older than me, stop treating me like I'm fucking</em> five-”), and whispers, "All good things must come to an end, right?"</p>
<p>Tommy's face becomes even <em>more</em> devastated, somehow, and he jerks his hand up and grips his wrist a little too tightly. Tubbo doesn't care, and twists his hand slightly so he can grip Tommy's in his. Tubbo tries to add a little levity, saying with a bit of a laugh to it, "I just never thought it'd come to an end like this- well, I mean-"</p>
<p>"What am I-" Tommy bursts in, voice shaking more than Tubbo's ever heard it. "What am I without you, Tubbo?"</p>
<p>(Tubbo's partner, best friend, brother, who's been there through thick and thin, through war and ruin, through growing up and laughing and <em>living</em> together, who's been the one to take all Tubbo's darkest days and make them <em>light</em>- he's <em>so much</em>.</p>
<p>Even more, he's a great friend. He's loyal. Kind. Giving. Friendly, whether it's Tubbo's little sister or Dream's little sister or anyone in between. He's just-</p>
<p>He's so many things without Tubbo.</p>
<p>He's everything.</p>
<p>But, most importantly-)</p>
<p>"Yourself," Tubbo says softly, giving his best friend a soft smile while bringing his other hand up and resting it on Tommy's shoulder.</p>
<p>Tommy's face just <em>crumples</em>, and Tubbo wishes the last time he gets to see his best friend while still alive would be when he's happy, instead of the about-to-cry Tommy he sees now.</p>
<p>(But, still, he's glad that, in his final moments, he gets to be with his best friend.)</p>
<p>(Tommy and Tubbo, until the end.)</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Tubbo's hand is resting on Tommy's shoulder, and Tommy's still clasping Tubbo's hand in his, and Tommy can't <em>do</em> this.</p>
<p>(Tubbo, Tommy's best friend, Tubbo, his brother in all but blood, Tubbo, the one who's been there through their childhood and growing up and wars and peace and laughter and crying and <em>everything, Tubbo</em>-</p>
<p>Tommy can't lose Tubbo.</p>
<p>He <em>can't</em>.</p>
<p>"<em>Yourself</em>."</p>
<p>Tubbo says he's just...himself, without Tubbo.</p>
<p>But...what if Tommy doesn't know who <em>himself</em> is, without his best friend beside him?</p>
<p>What then?)</p>
<p>Tommy lets out a shuddering breath, and steps closer to Tubbo, gripping his other hand in his and meeting his eyes. "Are you just...accepting this, then?" Tommy's voice is level - monotone, almost - but he knows that Tubbo's noticed the shaking that won't <em>stop</em> in his hands, and how his eyes are rawer than they were since the Beach Party.</p>
<p>Rawer than that, even.</p>
<p>"Yeah. It'll be alright." And Tubbo seems to actually believe that, his eyes dry, hands steady where Tommy grips them.</p>
<p>Tommy swallows, and resists the urge to shout and shake and <em>scream</em> at his best friend that <em>no</em>, it <em>won't</em> be alright because Tubbo won't be <em>there</em>, and says, "Will you be okay?"</p>
<p>Finally, Tubbo bows his head a little bit. "...Yeah, I'll be okay. We said our goodbyes already at the start, didn't we?"</p>
<p>"But we were optimistic!" Tommy finally bursts out, shaking Tubbo almost desperately, trying to get him to <em>understand</em>.</p>
<p>Finally, some of the tears that Tommy's been holding back this entire time trickle down his cheeks.</p>
<p>"You <em>know</em> we were optimistic! The whole way here, we were bantering - my <em>mic</em> even broke - we were <em>optimistic</em>! This- this isn't-"</p>
<p>
  <em>This isn't what I wanted.</em>
</p>
<p>Tubbo lets out a sort of laugh, the laugh that Tommy's heard a million times before, and it <em>aches</em>, more than ever before. "Well," he begins dryly, "He described me as a pawn earlier, didn't he?"</p>
<p>Tubbo's voice grows a little softer, but it's a small comfort when he says, matter of fact, "This is checkmate. This is it. I suggest you resign."</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>Tommy will never resign to this- to <em>losing</em> his best <em>friend</em>.</p>
<p>Never.</p>
<p>"Tubbo, even though for this entire server, I've always regarded you as my sidekick, but, really, Tubbo, I was your sidekick."</p>
<p>Tommy's voice breaks, then, and he doesn't even <em>try</em> to hide his crying as he begs, "Please don't go- please- <em>please</em> don't go."</p>
<p>Tubbo's face twists, for a moment, then he's pulling Tommy into a tight hug, and Tommy's crying into his shoulder, and he's <em>begging</em>, "<em>Please don't go, Tubbo</em>."</p>
<p>Tubbo just holds him, for a moment, then he whispers, "It's fine."</p>
<p>Then, he releases Tommy after one quick, hard squeeze, and walks towards Dream, who's waiting with axe in hand.</p>
<p>Tommy thinks that's it, that's the end, and almost collapses right there.</p>
<p>But, then-</p>
<p>Punz is there.</p>
<p>Punz is there, and saying, "You fucked up, Dream," and Tubbo's not in immediate danger of dying, and suddenly Tommy can breathe again.</p>
<p>The rest of their friends pour out of the portal from behind Punz, and Dream is actually shocked, and this is the <em>best</em> thing that could've happened.</p>
<p>Tubbo's just staring, but they need to <em>move</em>, so Tommy grips Tubbo's arm and yanks him behind their friends, and he's alive he's alive he's <em>alive</em>, and Tommy doesn't think he's ever felt more free than that moment, when they’re running to grab the discs and then converging in the middle.</p>
<p>Tubbo meets his eyes, and smiles, big and bright, and Tommy's home.</p>
<p>(He's <em>alive</em>.</p>
<p>Tubbo's alive, and he's not in danger anymore, and now Tommy thinks that maybe, just maybe, everything will be alright, now.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i had a lot of feelings the night of the finale so i grinded this out in like two hours. i hope yall had fun!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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